From the threesome to the feet passing through multiple orgasms and the “external observation” of the partner, the map drawn by the therapists
What are the most common sexual fantasies among people ? Hard to tell. Each, according to their sensitivity, their preferences and their history manifests different tendencies. Which can, on the other hand, change over time or be linked to feedback from one’s own or one’s partner. Furthermore, what may be trivial or obvious to someone for others is the maximum enjoyment and satisfaction of one’s own eccentricities. And so on.
However, the Huffington Post has asked a number of sex therapists, experts and psychologists to draw up a base map . That is, a series of recurring trends in the heads of the people they have to deal with every day. Evidently those who move in that context like the therapists Vanessa Marin or Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschmann , also authors of texts such as Making love Real: The Intelligente Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion , have a more complete point of view and, at the same time, also capable of disproving some general beliefs . Oriented towards who knows what perversions.
So here is that among the recurring sexual motifs and fantasies there are some that are basically not too strange: from the desire to experience a threesome to the evergreen theme of domination and submission , on which legions of literary and cinematographic sagas have fueled their lucrative successes , passing through more specific issues such as foot fetishism, the desire to be able to grant one’s partner multiple orgasms up to the partial step back, that is, the curiosity of external observation of one’s partner engaged in sexual intercourse .
Says therapist Vanessa Marin that «both singles and copies fantasize about a threesome. Part of the fascination is the sensual overload,” that is, the involvement of many parts of the body. For some couples, however, it is a way to restore momentum and vivacity in the bedroom.
“Both men and women are interested in dominating and submitting – explained Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman – while men are generally more interested in the first front and women in the second, this is not always true”. This front crosses power and feeling of control. Two sensual aspects: the total focus of the one who dominates on the dominated and, vice versa, the desire to feel at one’s disposal».
Even the patterns on feet and shoes are more common than you think. mostly men talk about it and can include a range of practices, from stimulation to vision to preferences more related to submission. “Fantasies that usually start when you are young – explains the therapist Gracie Landes – and then continue over time”.
For heterosexual males, one of the most popular fantasies is to have a crackling and enthusiastic partner who responds to every stimulus and experiences multiple orgasms. An evidently wrong framing of things but, in fact, we are in the realm of desires even if according to Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a therapist, these fantasies are often linked «to men who often feel they have to convince their partner to have sex and who share the problem to stay horny when your partner isn’t.” In short, basically a male ego problem.
According to Ian Kerne, psychologist, sex therapist and writer, “we tend to think of sexual orientation as binary, heterosexual or homosexual, but these categories are social constructs that may perhaps correspond to our general desires but miss the nuances of our innate curiosity and sexual fluidity”. For example, explains the expert, when we fantasize about a relationship with a person of the same sex, we wonder what it would be like, for example, to be touched in ways that would appear both distant and familiar to us.
Watching one partner having sex with another
Again Kerner explains that «there is something provocative and forbidden in the fantasy of watching one’s partner having sex with someone else. Watching someone else’s hand touch our partner’s body or kiss another’s mouth reinforces at least in fantasies the desirability of the partner, taking us back to the early days of infatuation.