If you feel low sexual desire, insecurity or dissatisfaction in your intimate relationships, recovering eroticism can be of great help. We tell you some keys to work on it.
We live in a hypersexualized society, in which all our attention is focused on physical attributes, in which a “sexual revolution” has taken place, and in which advertising constantly bombards us with sexual interest as a tool of persuasion. But even so, there are many people who do not fully enjoy this sphere of their lives, who face low desire, insecurity and sexual dysfunction. If you find yourself in this category, working on recovering eroticism can be of great help to you.
And it is that the problem arises when we associate sexuality with the purely physical act and forget that it is closely related to the psychological, social and emotional plane. Cultivating eroticism invites us to work on ourselves to achieve that fulfillment instead of only looking for an external solution, it urges us to become owners and responsible for our pleasure and to actively participate in its development.
Sexuality is much more than penetration, it also includes desire and the emotional states that are generated by arousal.
Why do you need to recover eroticism?
It is estimated that about 43% of women and 31% of men present some type of sexual dysfunction, with desire being the most affected area. And it is that, without realizing it, the cultural influences and the beliefs that we adopt as our own keep us from this full enjoyment. Some of the most common and that cause the greatest effect are the following:
Sex fulfills a merely reproductive function
This idea was widely promoted in the past, especially in association with various religious currents; however, even today these concepts remain rooted in the minds of many people, limiting their enjoyment and leading them to feel shame or guilt for enjoying their sexuality.
Intercourse is the center of sexual activity
This is what coitocentrism postulates, still so present in our relationships. Under this prism, penetration is the main objective of the sexual relationship and other types of exchanges and activities that are as necessary as they are pleasurable are relegated and neglected .
And we cannot forget that the human sexual response consists of different phases, and that to reach orgasm it is necessary to first stimulate desire and arousal. A job that depends on both the sexual partner and oneself, and this is where cultivating eroticism becomes essential.
Only if you meet certain aesthetic canons do you have the right to sexual pleasure
The fact that we are socially judged based on our attractiveness and our physical attributes generates multiple insecurities that prevent us from enjoying sexuality.
Several studies have found a clear association between self-esteem, body satisfaction and sexual fulfillment, so that those who perceive themselves as less attractive are more limited in terms of sexual intercourse and enjoyment.
Your personal success is linked to your attractiveness
On the other hand, we find ourselves with a position contrary to the first one we talked about, but which is becoming increasingly present: a person is successful based on their attractiveness and the number of sexual partners they have. This makes many people feel pressured to relate intimately with others , even without really wanting or enjoying it, but rather as a kind of obligation or social mandate. But let’s remember that eroticism tells us more about quality than quantity.
Keys to recover eroticism
If you feel that some of the previous beliefs may be affecting you to some degree, recovering eroticism will help you overcome them and regain desire and pleasure. To do this, we propose some keys with which you can start:
1. Connect with your body
To feel comfortable in our skin, we need to work on body awareness, get to know ourselves and connect with our sensations . There are several activities that can help us in this task, for example: learning to look in the mirror without judgment, discovering each part of our body, creating a skin care routine or giving ourselves small massages.
Physical activity is also very helpful in this regard. Especially practices such as stretching, yoga or dance put us in tune with the movement and rhythms of the body and make us more aware of sensations.
2. Take care of your appearance
Although it may seem like a banality, feeling attractive helps us cultivate eroticism because it changes the way we perceive ourselves and helps us build self-esteem . It is not about having to go excessively uncomfortable or artificial, but about taking care of hygiene and appearance to a certain extent.
Choose clothes that go with you, that favor you and have pleasant materials. Learn which styles are best suited to you and, even if you stay at home, try to clean up, comb your hair and change your pajamas for comfortable but flattering clothes.
3. Change your internal dialogue
If you have detected certain ideas or beliefs that may be limiting you, it is time to put them aside and replace them with more positive and functional ones. To do this, you can make a list of those affirmations that you would like to “install” in your mind and repeat them several times each day until they feel natural to you. Some ideas in this regard could be:
- “I am an attractive person.”
- “I feel comfortable with my body and my appearance.”
- “I deserve pleasure and I enjoy receiving it.”
- “I feel comfortable and calm when being intimate with other people.”
4. Cultivate desire
One of the big mistakes we often make is to think that desire arises spontaneously and that we are mere passive observers. Thus, we sit and wait for it to arrive or wake up, and we get frustrated and resigned when this does not happen. But the truth is that desire is cultivated, worked on and its appearance actively favored.
For this, it is important that we deliberately focus our attention on feeling attraction or desire, that we are able to identify exciting stimuli and create favorable situations. Sexual fantasies are a good element in this regard, since they help us mentally eroticize ourselves and do the same with our partner. Likewise, masturbation can help increase sexual desire.
5. Learn to enjoy the sensations
Finally, recovering eroticism is to focus only on intercourse and climax and learn to enjoy the process and the psychological and emotional states that are awakened.
For this, it is very useful to practice the pleasure technique (in which the couple reconnects and focuses on mutual sensations without resorting to penetration). Likewise, it is positive to add variety, creativity and innovation to sexual practices, so that there is no room for routine and laziness and motivation increases every day.
Focusing attention on sensations while having relationships is a good way to enhance eroticism.
Recovering eroticism improves personal and couple satisfaction
In short, recovering eroticism is a task that we have to tackle deliberately, but that will bring us great benefits. It will help us to improve our self-esteem, to feel more attractive and comfortable in our skin and to be able to enjoy intimate relationships to a greater extent. It may be the key to increasing personal security and to improving sexual dissatisfaction with a partner.