Ferradini sang it at the beginning of the Eighties: “Those who love less are stronger, you know”. Nannini reaffirmed this with the beauty of her who paired with impossible in 1986. My grandmother confirmed it (and who knows how many before her!), Who has always said to me (since): “In love wins those who run away”.
It seems that it is not just a matter of popular wisdom: in love, or in any case at the first approach, showing disinterest and detachment would seem, surprisingly, a good starting point to be able … to have sex on a first date, especially for men.
This was revealed by a recent study conducted by Mons Bendixen , associate professor in the Department of Psychology at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology’s (NTNU). But things are far more complex than that. Let’s analyze the research results together.
For the study, 435 college students were interviewed , who had to complete anonymous surveys about their last encounter with a potential sexual partner. The survey had the task of assessing how much the potential partner was interested in them and how much sexual attraction they felt for the other, also reporting on the sexual signals received and those transmitted.
The first round of data collection took place in the spring , when most of the students were busy studying. The second round was in the fall , right after the semester started and the college introductory week activities. Well, the researchers found a significant difference between the two cycles: sexual relations were much more common during the introductory week in the fall.
This is because it is “a period of strong socialization and partying ” with “abundant mating opportunities,” the researchers reported. During this time, girls usually tended to pretend they were a little more interested in sex than they actually were. While the boys, on the other hand, were posing as less interested in sex than they really were. Result: the two attitudes, crossing each other, triggered the spark.
It is the woman who decides
In sex, which must always be consensual, it is the woman who sets the boundaries. If she isn’t interested, nothing will happen. “According to the study, when the men and women surveyed met, about half of the men said they were interested in having sex with the woman, while initially most of the women were disinterested,” explains Bendixen. “From the results we deduced that women have little interest in having sex right away, unless they find the man really attractive.”
The spark you don’t expect
Showing disinterest in going straight to the point in moments of collective erotic euphoria can paradoxically act as a spark. “A man who looks like he wants to have sex with anyone, at any time, is not what most women are looking for,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair , Bendixen’s colleague in the same department. This could be the reason why the men who took part in the survey acted in the opposite direction, showing themselves less interested in the subject than they really were.
The new NTNU research therefore concludes that the real intentions of men and women at the first approach may be different from the signals they send to each other.
Women choose the most attractive men for any occasional affairs …
Also according to this study, women considered more the possibility of a casual relationship if they thought the potential partner was very attractive . Attention: not objectively, but in the context of personal tastes. And what contributed to increasing sex appeal? The number of previous partners. Linked studies have, however, reiterated that long-term relationships work differently: “Many women have had casual sex with more attractive partners than men they have had long-term relationships with,” she says. Kennair.