The difference in sexual desire in couples is a fairly common problem. In these circumstances, the ideal is to identify alternatives where both parties win.

A fairly common situation that afflicts couples is the difference in sexual desire between them. It is common to hear: ” my partner wants to have sex, but I don’t “. In these cases, the fundamental thing is not to avoid the difference, but to seek a balanced and fair solution for both.

Next, we delve into this phenomenon and propose a series of tips for the next time your partner wants to have sex and you are not in the mood.

How often should you have sex with your partner?

There is no standard frequency that fits all couples . Everything will depend on the subjective circumstances of each one.

However, according to a 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science , most happily married couples tend to have sex about once a week .

It is important to mention that sex is good for the relationship. A healthy amount of sexual intimacy, which can be different for each couple, strengthens the relationship and helps each feel more fulfilled and connected to both themselves and the relationship.

5 keys for when your partner wants sex, but you don’t

What happens when your partner wants sex, but you don’t? After all, you love her and you want her to be satisfied, but perhaps tiredness, stress or worries influence your sexual desire.

In these cases, saying “no” is an option, but it is not the only one . Therefore, if your partner begins to seduce you, but you are not willing, the ideal will be to look for alternatives that prevent both of you from feeling uncomfortable or annoying. Here are some ways to achieve this:

1. Avoid pressure

First of all, your partner should not put pressure on you and you should not put pressure on yourself. We must respect the needs of each one and not seek to increase sexual encounters out of obligation.

If pressure and sexuality are mixed, the results are usually reluctance and the feeling of having to do it. The problem is that, in the long run, sex will acquire a negative nuance that will generate more rejection on your part.

2. Postpone the meeting

Spontaneous sexual activity is always appreciated. However, sometimes it is okay to postpone the sexual encounter, especially when the circumstances of the moment are not the most suitable for one of the members of the couple.

Be honest and ask your partner to postpone the meeting. In addition, this request can add more excitement to the relationship, since the desire is exacerbated when its satisfaction is expected.

However, do not ask for something that you are not going to fulfill, because if you do not finally do it, your partner will feel bad. Therefore, make sure you have time to have sex with your partner. Something that can help you is to assume the meeting as an appointment that you cannot miss.

3. Find other ways to connect

Intimacy and sexuality contain a range of pleasurable elements . Now, if you don’t feel like making love, you can also seek to connect with your partner in other ways:

  • Offer him a massage.
  • Prepare a special meal for him.
  • take a bath together
  • have an intimate conversation
  • Give him kisses and caresses.

In some cases, these activities and proposals can end up increasing the sexual desire of both, which may lead you to have sex. Quality time and emotional connection pave the way for sexual arousal for many couples.

4. Manage your desire

If your partner wants sex, but you don’t, it’s important that you both keep in mind that sexuality is your responsibility. This means that if one of the two has less desire, she can find a way to work on it, such as connecting more with her own eroticism, reading more information about it, among other alternatives.

For their part, those who have a higher desire can look for ways to manage it. Sometimes, the responsibility of covering all our needs is placed on the couple, but this is not the case. We can also do something in this context, such as giving ourselves pleasure.

5. Cultivate empathy

Dialogue with the couple is of vital importance to know the needs and expectations about sex . In addition, it is the key to understanding and understanding the other.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try not to take anything personally, especially if the other person expresses frustration at being rejected. There is often much more to the interior than meets the eye. Therefore, ask yourself how she may feel or how you can help her.

Finally, if sexual incompatibility increases the intensity of the problems, the ideal is to go to a psychologist or sexologist.

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