A woman’s mind during sex is more of a labyrinth than The Shining ‘s . Sure, we like to do it and we’re having fun – but we’re also often having mild panic attacks to very practical thoughts, because, well, that’s how we roll with you in the barn. 

While every woman has probably had thoughts beyond this collection in stages, most of us have thought about the 12 things that follow at some point in the close encounter. If you’re the type who sometimes wonders what kinds of things go through our minds when we’re in bed, read on; because said directly from us you may not even hear them ever.

1.I don’t think I’ll reach orgasm this time, but I’ll pretend

For some of us, it’s the location. For others, it’s the fact that we simply can’t come with penetrative sex that often or easily. And many times, what you are doing right now may seem great in your world, but it will not lead to any petite mort in ours . Too many men believe a woman has never screwed them on orgasm, and too few women tell you the truth. But trust me, at least one woman has definitely faked it with you too. This doesn’t mean you’re not a skilled lover, but it makes you a little naive if you really think that no one has ever pretended or will pretend with you. To understand how easy it is to fake it, take a look at Harry , this is Sally ….

2.I hope not to make strange sounds

See the technical entry queefing , which for a woman is one of those words that she doesn’t even want to hear mentioned. In fact, it is an annoying sound of air that can actually come out of the vagina. Add to that the fear that it is our stomach gurgling midway (or, worse, the irritated intestine) that makes noise and the vague possibility that some strange natural friction produces sounds similar to a squeak … Then we want to talk about the noise like ‘slap ‘or’ flip ‘that sometimes we do skin to skin in silence?

3.His penis is like this … * insert an adjective at will *

Yes, guys, looking at it and yes, we get an idea. The good news is that in the heat of the moment, what matters is just how you know how to use it. You can’t change what your biology has given you, but that doesn’t mean it can’t always be a wonderful tool for pleasure. One thing, however, is important to us: between a well-kept (i.e. well-cleaned) penis and one that seems to have been pulled out of the garbage due to poor hygiene, we will always choose the former. 

4.I know what to do with the penis, but what do I do with the rest?

Seriously, what underlies your beautiful obelisk is no simple territory for us. Also because we are afraid of hurting you. Many of you also appreciate a mix of pain and pleasure, but we don’t walk that area lightly. The ideal is that you let us understand, perhaps even with groans, what you like, how you like and if you like to be touched there too. 

5.I have a little work on my next presentation this weekend

Sorry, but sometimes we also think about this kind of thing. And to some it happens quite often. But you don’t have to worry, okay? Unless you realize that your she always does. In that case, yes, you can panic.

6.Why on earth doesn’t it make any noise?”

Let’s talk about it, because many of us engage and groan or breathe differently to let you know that the one with you is going great. Can’t you at least let out a little grunt or two to keep us on track? Total silence is no fun for us and the feedback it gives us is full of uncertainties.

7.Will you find me attractive?

We are naked, which automatically makes us 8000 times more vulnerable than usual. Even the most confident of us may wonder if they lack tone somewhere or if their skin isn’t too dry that night. And if we do it with someone new, the anxiety skyrockets. I have been confronted with several men and all of them have assured me that a male excited about these things does not really pay attention to it, but go and explain it to our overactive imaginations.

8.Oh my God, didn’t the condom slip in me?

More than ninety-nine percent of the time, we’re also not interested in getting out of an embrace pregnant. This means that a wobbly condom is always a huge red alert. Any girl who hasn’t had a red-hot flash of panic at least once because she thought the little latex protector decided to relax at work either she was lying or she was pretty lucky.

9.What does my face look like right now?

Having an awkward orgasm face is among the worst sexual nightmares of all. Whatever body type we are rocking, we like to feel sexy during sex and to tell us is how we interact together. But the idea that the pre-orgasm face has an ugly or ridiculous expression is a nightmare. So if you see a sudden mid-session expression change in us women, we’re probably thinking about that hateful orgasm face.

10.No, that’s not the point!

Sometimes men have very little idea what they are doing down there. Unfortunately, there is no formula or manual because we are all too different, but there is a fairly simple solution: question. Or better yet, ask for guidance using your hands.

11.Well, this guy clearly watches a lot of porn

Some moves, quite simply, aren’t real-world, man – and there are times when the things you’re saying (or what you’re expecting from us) give us clear clues to your triple X cinematic consumption. While we may be in the mood for performative sex every now and then, we’re definitely not the women you see in porn – that is, we weren’t created for the use and consumption of the male gaze. So, if you’re expecting 45-minute blowjobs filled with sexual compliments and uninterrupted eye contact, learn to split between prone and reality movies before you ruin your sex life.

12.Wait, wait, wait, WAIT. (And oftenMy God, have you already done this?)

5-second sex and 5-hour sex can be equally frustrating in very different ways. The blast, it’s somewhat flattering, but if repeated it’s not enough (please offer to get us to finish it some other way, if only out of politeness). The marathon can be great, but it can also leave us dead-legged, sweaty and sore. The trick is to pay attention to our body’s signals: if we seem to be in trouble, it’s because we are.

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