According to experts, faking orgasms is more common in women than in men. We talk about its main causes and some of its consequences, according to science.
Why do we do it? So as not to hurt the partner? So that the sexual act ends quickly? These are just some of the causes established by two studies carried out in 2010 and 2011, which we will discuss below. In addition, we will also mention some of the possible consequences of faking orgasms.
Faking orgasms: why is it?
What causes lead us to fake orgasms? When selecting them, we have based ourselves on a 2010 study, titled Men’s and women reports of pretending orgasm and published in the Journal of Sex Research , which investigated the different causes that lead some people to fake orgasms.
Also in another study, this time from 2011, titled Do Women Pretend Orgasm to Retain a Mate? and led by Farnaz Kaighobadi. What leads us to fake pleasure during the sexual act?
Don’t hurt your partner’s feelings
One of the possible causes that leads some people to fake orgasms is the desire not to hurt the feelings of the partner.
This is actually due to the importance we often give to orgasms . It seems as if the relationship is unsatisfactory because it does not reach sexual climax, and this does not have to be so.
Quick finish the sexual act
Another of the possible causes of faking orgasms, according to the aforementioned studies, is the desire to end the sexual relationship quickly. Sometimes, for different reasons, especially women, they want it to end; either due to fatigue, because you are not enjoying yourself, due to sleepiness, due to a lack of desire…
Although it sounds cold, like this, by pretending, it is more likely that the couple will reach orgasm and therefore the sexual act will end (especially if we also “reach” the orgasm, even if it is faked).
Another possible reason for faking orgasms is the desire to maintain the relationship and to prevent the partner from being unfaithful . This is confirmed by the aforementioned 2011 study. That is, through faking orgasm, we would seek the enjoyment of our partner during sexual intercourse with us, and thus prevent the relationship from breaking up.
But it is important to know that pretending does not solve the problem if we are in a relationship that really does not satisfy us. Because, if you think about it, do you think that being good with someone you would have the need to pretend? On the other hand, it is one thing to do it in a timely manner, and another very different thing is that it is the usual thing.
Consequences of faking orgasms
One of the consequences of faking orgasms is that, for example, the fact of associating the orgasm with the end of sexual intercourse (when we fake it because we want the act to “end” quickly) ends up making our mind make this association systematically.
And why does the sexual act always have to end in orgasm? It’s an added pressure that we put on ourselves. On the other hand, faking orgasms can end up deteriorating our relationship, due to the lack of trust with our partner and the personal dissatisfaction to which we are inevitably subjected.
And, furthermore, it can cause us to stop enjoying sexual relations , always wanting them to “be over quickly.” It is as if our mind associates sex with pretending (especially if we pretend on a recurring basis, if we get used to it).
And another important statement in relation to this issue is made by the psychologist Gigi Engle, who assures that “ once you start pretending it is difficult to stop , and it is something universal, it happens everywhere in the world. The sad truth is that sex is not taught equally.”
“Historically, sex is meant to give straight cisgender men pleasure, while women are just the ‘ticket,’ so to speak, to get it.”
Faking orgasms: a women’s practice?
Faking orgasms is a more common practice than we think , especially among women (in addition, men have it more difficult when it comes to “faking it”, due to the need for an erection during penetration and subsequent ejaculation, much more evidently in women).
This tendency, more frequent among women than among men, is also mentioned by Jesus E. Rodriguez, director of the Murcian Sexology Institute, with these words: “ the dominant tendency indicates that women are the ones who pretend the most , with percentages close to or higher at 50% .” However, Jesus also explains that, in recent years, it is observed that the percentage of men has increased exponentially.
But does this practice really benefit us? Perhaps the crux of the matter is to reflect on what is leading us to pretend , and not so much to judge ourselves for it; allow ourselves that action, but reflect on the path that has led us to it.
If you feel that you have the need to fake orgasms, whether with your emotional partner, with your sexual partner or in more sporadic relationships, seeking professional help from a sexologist can be beneficial. Couples therapy may also be indicated in some cases.
On the other hand, in the event that this happens to us as a couple, it will also be important to express how we feel and what we need, without holding back or taboos.