Sexual wisdom has nothing to do with our prowess as lovers. It is related to our generosity, with honesty and with the intelligence that breaks down prejudices, fears and stereotypes.
We live in an apparently moderate society that treats sex in a distorted way. It is enough to witness the power of the pornography industry, acting almost as the main and only source of education in this area for our youth. Also of the eternal taboos existing in many mentalities. Our world needs to develop adequate sexual wisdom.
We refer to that type of intelligence that starts from respect for the other, honesty and knowledge. Because in an area that we label as “natural”, such as sex, and that each one discovers in their own way, there is still an excess of biases, false myths and dangerous conceptions about this very important sphere of the human being.
We forget that the most important organ in any sexual encounter is the brain . We overlook that prejudices and insecurities limit the opportunity to have a fulfilling life in this area of life. Also that without respect for the other this act has no place or meaning.
Being wise in the plane of sexuality requires time and will. It forces us, above all, to go beyond stereotypes, certain religious beliefs, and even online pages for adults. In a society that sends us such contradictory messages on this matter, we are the ones who are obliged to develop adequate skills.
Great lovers are made, not born.
Older adults tend to enjoy full sex lives, according to science.
Keys to sexual wisdom
This data may surprise more than one. According to a study by the University of Minnesota, a large part of the population between the ages of 60 and 80 shows what experts have called sexual wisdom . This competence goes beyond one’s own skill in the sexual act. It has more to do with aptitude, generosity and good communication.
This helps us to become aware of two key aspects. The first is that sexuality in old age is as enriching and rewarding as it can be in youth. The second has to do with the importance of dismantling another myth: one is not born being a good lover, but it is something that is also learned over the years and experience.
Sexual wisdom is a type of learning that is linked to three specific areas : being an objective and sensitive expert on everything related to sexuality, having good self-knowledge and, finally, having the ability to connect with a partner.
Finding true satisfaction in this area requires a holistic approach. It is about treasuring learning, working on oneself and knowing how to create good intimacy with sexual partners. We now analyze those components that make up sexual intelligence.
Sexual wisdom goes beyond sex education. It is not just about knowing how to avoid STDs, it means understanding what elements favor pleasant experiences as a couple, it is knowing how to communicate, demystify false ideas and drop selfishness.
Objective and demystified knowledge about sexuality
It’s all very well that teens are taught in high schools what sexual health diseases (STDs) are, and how to prevent them. It is also positive that they are provided with information on how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Now, this knowledge, although decisive, has little to do with sexual wisdom.
The true knowledge linked to this type of wisdom has to do with the following:
- Knowing that we have the right to enjoy our own sexuality, whatever it is, freely . Without anyone subduing or forcing us. We are the owners of our body and each person decides what they want and what they don’t want at all times.
- We have the right to know our body without shame. Also to enjoy relationships without fear, without feeling limited by insecurities.
- Sexual wisdom is also acquiring knowledge about sexual practices in order to defuse myths and prejudices about this area. There is nothing negative in informing ourselves, in acquiring a culture on this field as long as we do it in a respectful way.
Sexual wisdom and self-awareness
Each of us has a sexual fingerprint, so to speak . Discovering it, knowing what we like, what prompts our fantasies, our desires and our needs makes it easier to relate to other people. In this way, and just as it is important to “discover ourselves” to have a more pleasant sex life, it is also important to know what our red flags are.
What we don’t like, what bothers us and what doesn’t tune in with us is also something that should be communicated to our sexual partners . Here many times past experiences come into play, those that are sometimes enriching and other traumatic. Learning from what has been lived and understanding how we are is essential to achieve adequate sexual wisdom.
Communication in the couple is the nuclear element to achieve a full sexual life.
The connection, the game of intimacy
We could say that the most powerful ingredient of sexual wisdom is intimacy . It is the bond that brings us closer to the other in a complicit, free and curious way at the same time. It is the fabric that starts from authentic respect for the other person, added to the express desire to connect with that person in all possible ways.
It is to favor an emotional, mental and sexual approach, knowing what the other person wants, what they need and what they like. Being sexually wise also implies putting selfishness aside, to take care of the pleasure of the other. Likewise, and no less important, a pillar that sustains intelligence in sexual matters is communication.
Knowing how to communicate without shame and without fear, opening ourselves up emotionally, revealing desires and thoughts, feeds the game of the sexual, and also of love. We should all qualify ourselves in this art that is not learned in schools, that is almost always hidden in our society, and that is only acquired with experience, responsibility, and adequate emotional maturity.