Our list of erotic resolutions for the coming year contains a series of small big challenges that are very much in tune with the spirit of the times: from limiting informative sexual content to avoid saturation to depoliticizing bedrooms. A series of good resolutions to have a healthier sex life in 2023.
Less information and more introspection
There has never been so much information and so accessible about sex as now. However, this huge amount of data does not always translate into knowledge. Sometimes, it can produce the opposite effect and lead to confusion. An avalanche of references that we don’t have time to record or assimilate and which, at most, we glance at from afar to file them on our hard drive with the wrong or imprecise label.
Don’t you know what a coreorgasm is, the squirt or the Florentino method (which has nothing to do with the president of Real Madrid)? Well, run to find out. Or, even better, look for an expert or coach in the field, licensed from who knows where, so that he can teach you these essential lovemaking techniques.
Many young people today begin the construction of their sexual structure from the roof, instead of from the foundations; since they alternate their homework with watching a bukkake in the privacy of their rooms; at the same time that they wonder if a woman can get pregnant if she has her period or they plan, with a feeling of guilt, to lose their virginity because her friends have already done it.
There is a lot of talk about techniques, postures, trios and very little about affections and feelings, which people seem to handle more and more clumsily. In full fashion for non-regulatory bodies, everyone retouches their photos until they already become a caricature, before uploading them to social networks. Sex seems like a required subject, and you have to get to the advanced level, but our parents and grandparents had more sex than we did.
Thus, this mental noise grows and grows and the information is already a dispersion that prevents us from enjoying. The only possible solution is to forget the mind, focus on the body and use the verb to feel in all its tenses. Everything we need to experience is within us and not on social media.
Change porn for literature and erotic comics
Go ahead, I like porn, I consume it (although it doesn’t consume me) and, with my natural tendency to be a lawyer for lost causes, I defend it every time someone blames it, along with reggaeton, for the lack desire and homeland sexual ignorance, unwanted pregnancies, the decline of the West and there will be someone who relates it to climate change. But the problem is not in porn, but in the use we make of it.
Of course, better pornography could be made, but blaming adult cinema for a poor or unbridled sex life would be like blaming Hollywood for being unemployed, sharing a flat at 60, or suffering from depression or anxiety; and, frankly, I think that this last theory would not be without arguments.
The problem with porn is when we integrate it into our daily lives, like on the subway; because then one is fully entering a process of desensitization by needing, each time, stronger incentives. Porn junkies are mechanizing their sexual behavior based on very specific stimuli, like Pavlov’s dog. In real life women don’t have boobs unaffected by the law of gravity, no duck bottoms, and men don’t come with mega-erect penises that crack nuts. In life in three dimensions people are different, one must change strategy with each lover and not always follow the same pattern to end with a happy ending. In real life there are strong and subtle flavors; and if you eat only extra salty chips, then you may not find the charm of a baked sea bass, with oil and lemon. A pity!
You have to leave the screen, from time to time, and get excited in other ways; for example, reading erotic literature and erotic comics. Or, if you are very lazy, resort to audioporno. Stimulate the imagination, which is much dirtier than the retina.
Don’t politicize sex
Among the many definitions of what politics is, I prefer Groucho Marx’s: “Politics is the art of looking for problems, finding them, making a false diagnosis and then applying the wrong remedies.” But politics is also that bulimic creature that wants to swallow everything and enter every room in the house looking for something to devour, including the bedroom.
Dictatorships have never hesitated to legislate about what citizens can or cannot do with their bodies. We can observe a dangerous worldwide tendency to politicize relationships and sexual orientations, to turn bodies into battlefields, to subscribe to or identify certain practices with certain ideologies and even political parties; to start creating new classifications about what is politically correct or not. Some people who feel strongly identified with certain movements or ideologies begin to establish a code of sexual conduct with desirable or undesirable practices, as if intercourse, for example, had a political alignment or was subscribed to a party.
The Catholic Church already did that centuries ago, when it allowed certain activities, aimed at procreation, and prohibited others, which only pursued lust. Thousands of sexual traumas have been necessary to get rid of this morality; let’s not embrace any other now disguised as militancy. In the history of humanity, the good lovers were always those who knew how to abstract themselves from all the indoctrination of the time; already came in the form of morality, religion, culture, politics or good manners. They closed the doors of their bedrooms and, freely and by mutual agreement, created their own universes.
A life with room for desire
Sexologists’ offices are full of women and, increasingly, men with hypoactive sexual desire. People without desire, although without health problems and with an age in which these disorders should not occur. They are prescribed guidelines, exercises, routines that can work and that are recorded in those articles that are so popular in the sex sections: Tips to recover sexual appetite or How to spice up your life as a couple.
Once again, the problem stems from the individual and not from society. Because you have to have the desire to lead a stressful, aseptic, increasingly mechanized life, in which confrontation between the sexes is encouraged and in which the screens provide other people’s stories that prevent us from building our own. You have to keep the desire after watching the news that reminds us, twice a day, that the world is about to explode. You have to be a seducer but in the right way, the one that goes with the times, neither too much nor too little, neither going too far nor not arriving and the exact point becomes the needle in the haystack that is never found.
Faced with so many obstacles, desire disappears because desire is a child that requires attention and time, and does not like rushing. In a non-desiring society, the most normal thing is not to have desire. So, instead of wondering why you don’t feel like it, ask yourself how you can build a life where there is room for desire; knowing that he likes tranquility, free time, good treatment, imagination, flirting, a sense of humor, eight-hour days (or less) and even Mondays in the sun. The solution is more complex, but it is definitive and can kill several birds with one stone.
