Lack of trust in the other, performance anxiety and even addiction to pornography… There are many causes that can be behind the lack of sex in a relationship. We analyze them.
Few elements are more devastating in a relationship than losing intimacy, friction, sex with the loved one . A couple can stop having sex for many reasons. Thus, it is important to know what is the specific trigger that puts distance between two people. Only then can we recover that connection and that important affective language.
Now, not all people feel comfortable talking about sex . It is common to hide behind tiredness, work stress, all those worries that difficult times bring and that seem to be the patch for many relationship problems. Factors such as shame, not knowing how to communicate or the need to hide certain realities are often hidden behind these complex situations.
While it is true that interest in sex waxes and wanes at certain times in our lives , it is often an important part of a relationship. Also, there is something undeniable, few spheres of human behavior are so delicate, controversial and so sensitive to psychological and even cultural factors.
Sometimes, even when there is love in a relationship, you stop having sex. Indecision when talking about this topic can cause serious distances between these people.
Reasons why a couple stops having sex
It may catch our attention, but one of the most common searches on Google is “have a partner without sex”. Many try to understand why their relationship has reached this point. Often, in order not to face the problem, people come to accept the fact, assuming that it already belongs to other stages of life.
“And matters?” -they affirm-. “Aren’t there more important things?” It is true, sex is not like breathing and a couple bond is based on other pillars. Let’s face it, though: It’s an important area of bonding. It is a gratifying practice and a way of expressing affection, of meeting and communicating.
Now, seeing how those moments of intimacy disappear from one day to the next feeds concern and fear: “has he stopped loving me? Will he not like me anymore? Will there be someone else in his life?
Let’s identify the reasons why a couple may stop having sex.
1. Mental health problems
Anxiety, stress and even depressive disorders. Behind the lack of libido are often unattended mental health problems . This is a very common factor that is not talked about too much.
Research papers, such as those carried out at the University of Missouri, show the relationship between major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder and the lack of sexual desire.
2. When we don’t feel good about our own body
The body changes and with them doubts and insecurity arise. Another frequent reality that affects sexuality is not feeling good about one’s own image . This discomfort reverts to the relationship with the couple by assuming that the other person does not want us. Once again, communication and working on one’s own self-esteem are key in these circumstances.
3. Feeling disconnected from the couple after an argument or a certain experience
The disconnection between two people can be born of many facts… Having needed the support of the couple at a given moment and not having had it. Having a strong discussion in which aspects remain unspoken and multiple reproaches launched by both parties. Having gone through an infidelity.
Couple relationships go through multiple potholes and some are managed better, while others worse. Any pending issue in which resentment is lodged and words not spoken out loud affect sexual life.
4. The weight of routines
Having just become parents, starting a very demanding job, having to take care of dependent family members, the routine that drags us down… Day-to-day life can demand that we allocate our time and efforts in multiple areas that go beyond the relationship . All these obligations consume our resources and cause us to leave the sexual realm elsewhere.
5. Medical problems
One of the reasons why a couple stops having sex has to do with the medical aspect. Erectile dysfunction, vaginismus, etc., are also another trigger to take into account. Likewise, there are many drugs that reduce sexual libido (including psychoactive drugs).
6. Performance anxiety
Performance anxiety does not appear in diagnostic manuals. However, it is a frequent psychological reality. Sometimes, people stop trusting themselves in the sexual aspect, they fear not being up to the task, not satisfying the other as they want and desire. This fear causes blocks and even avoids intimate relationships.
7. Addiction to pornography
This is a topic worth talking about. The addiction to pornography on the part of one of the members of the couple causes, little by little, loss of interest in the loved one. The attraction of habitual sexual stimuli is reduced to fantasize about impossible bodies, false idealisms…
In addition, viewing this material takes up more and more time, neglecting responsibilities and, of course, the couple’s own bond.
8. Heartbreak: we, those of before, are no longer the same
One of the reasons why a couple stops having sex is due to lack of love. Sometimes, that silent dimension arises without anyone expecting it, turning off illusions, desire and closeness. The bond grows cold, and sometimes sex can become routine or just disappear.
We stop being the same as before and our feelings also fade. In these circumstances, as in the previous ones, there is only one option: dialogue, sincere, courageous and committed communication . Sex is in many cases the barometer and the reflection of how a relationship is going, when it fails or stops appearing, it is time to talk.