If you perceive sexuality as something negative, traumatic or unsatisfactory, we invite you to develop sexual assertiveness. Find out how it can help you fully enjoy yourself.
Communication is essential in any human relationship to make us understand each other, reach agreements and ensure that the exchange is satisfactory for all involved. Also, if we talk about maintaining intimate relationships, this dialogue becomes more crucial . Maybe you think that words have no place in such a physical act; However, we want to show you everything that sexual assertiveness can bring you.
Sexuality is one of the most important dimensions of human beings; This not only provides us with pleasure and connection with others, but also brings great benefits. Still, many people experience it as negative, unpleasant, and even traumatic . And, in many cases, it can be solved if we put assertiveness into practice. We tell you why.
What is sexual assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a communicative style that is characterized by respect for both oneself and the interlocutor . Thus, it consists of being able to express what we think, feel and want firmly, without subjugating ourselves to the requests of the other, but at the same time without resorting to aggressiveness or going over them.
This style of communication is usually related to leadership or team management in the workplace, as well as the performance of social and affective relationships. For example, it helps us resolve conflicts with our friends, reach agreements with our partner, or set limits in the face of an overly intrusive family member.
Taking it to the level of sexuality, assertiveness is a valuable tool to ensure that the exchange is healthy and rewarding for both parties. And it is that these same concepts of firmness, respect and dialogue create the ideal conditions for both people to be taken into account.
How can sexual assertiveness help you?
If you still can’t imagine what this type of communication can bring to your sexual life, here are some of the main advantages.
Allows you to set limits
Assertiveness is a protective factor against experiences of abuse, since it helps you express what you want and what you don’t want in the framework of a sexual exchange. This doesn’t just mean being able to say no to an unwanted proposal from a stranger, but it means deciding with integrity when and how you want your sexual intercourse to take place.
For example, it allows you to refuse to continue a sexual encounter even if it has already started. It gives you the opportunity to accept certain practices and reject others , or to decide if one day you don’t want to have relationships, even with your own partner. Remember that you have complete freedom.
Increase pleasure and enjoyment
This tool is also valuable in making the experience enjoyable for everyone involved; The reason is that it is committed to clear and direct communication.
Some people are embarrassed to say out loud what they want or how they want it, they feel uncomfortable guiding the other or directing what happens in the sexual act. However, we cannot pretend that people are fortune tellers; Therefore, communicating at all times can make a difference ; not only for us, but also for the other person, since she will feel more secure and reinforced in her performance.
Helps to introduce consensual changes
Do you need to tell your partner that you would like to increase the frequency of your sexual intercourse? Do you want to try new practices? Do you want to introduce sex toys, role-playing games or other novelty elements in your sexual life?
Innovating is positive and even necessary to maintain the passion, but any change to introduce must be agreed. Developing sexual assertiveness will allow you to expose these proposals without shame and giving your partner room to express themselves freely as well.
How to apply sexual assertiveness?
Developing sexual assertiveness and applying it on a daily basis is not as complex as it seems. Here are some basic steps you can follow to achieve this:
- Know your rights. It is essential that you be clear and that you remember that you have the right to say yes and say no, to set limits and express your wishes. This is not a privilege, it is a fact that takes place in every sexual encounter, regardless of the type of bond you maintain with the other.
- Work on self-confidence. When a person has low self-esteem, it can be really difficult for them to express themselves assertively, so it is important that you work on your insecurities and learn to feel comfortable in your skin. From this position of love and respect for yourself, of self-confidence, you will be more skillful when it comes to relating to others.
- Analyze your beliefs regarding sex. If you maintain taboos or erroneous beliefs, it is likely that you will not be able to fully enjoy your sexuality and you will experience it with guilt, shame or inhibition. Thus, analyze what kind of thoughts prevent you from expressing or communicating freely and modify them if necessary.
- Practice. At first, it may be difficult or unnatural for you to exercise sexual assertiveness; however, with practice you will gain ease and confidence and you will be able to enjoy the benefits it brings. Take advantage of every opportunity to go one step further.
Sexual assertiveness will be your best ally
As you can see, assertiveness can be your best ally to enjoy pleasant and consensual sexual encounters, in which both you and the other person feel comfortable.
If you find it very difficult to apply these principles, remember that you can consult a psychologist or a sexologist to help you strengthen this ability . We are all capable of putting it into practice, we just need to persevere and, perhaps, receive some guidance.