Recent studies agree on the “decay” of sexual relations. The “toys” have replaced the melee and most prefer other practices that replace the traditional ones. Where is the human contact?

How many times would you say that your neighbor has sex? The question is tricky because it eats us up to think how much, how and where others do it. We always believe that in other people’s fields the harvest is more abundant, but that fluff has nothing to do with the contentment of those we envy, and this is the first fact that we must highlight about the new sex.

The question was recently raised by the consultancy Ipsos in 37 countries and most of those surveyed overestimated the number of sexual encounters of people in their environment, especially men between 18 and 29 years of age. They calculated about 14 times in the last four weeks, in the case of men, and 22 in the case of women. The reality in either of the two sexes is much more modest: no more than five a month. “If we followed our conjectures, young people would have 180 sexual encounters a year, instead of the real 50,” says sociologist Bobby Duffy, one of the authors of this paper. We go without prejudice to Los Placeres de Lola, an erotic space located in the Madrid neighborhood of Atocha to discover first-hand what the new Spanish sexuality is really like, what happens behind closed doors about to enter the second decade of the century, without lucubrations or fables.

We met there with the sexologist Ana Lombardía and Roberto Sanz, also a sexologist and professor of the Master’s degree at the Sexpol Foundation. It is a glamorous place full of details that give an unusual delicacy to the universe of pleasure. We surprise Sara Pérez, her co-founder, reviewing an order for the latest toy that has revolutionized female masturbation and that everyone is talking about, the clitoral sucker. “It has exceeded,” she says, “all sales expectations. Every day there are more women of all ages who are interested in him, either here or through our website. The secret is in its extraordinary stimulation. In fact, 83% of people who have used it say they have reached a climax in less than two minutes thanks to its vibration and pulsation waves. Reality or effects of advertising and marketing?

Clandestine gadgets

“The clitoris, the most sensitive organ in the human body, was a silenced word and suddenly it puts the focus on the woman,” Lombardia intervenes. “Today it is named, recognized and stimulated,” she adds. And how does the man handle this? «They look askance and with great concern. If you take penis and penetration out of their equation, you leave them insecure, not knowing their place. In male erotica there is still a lot to be done. Until now, their sexuality has been hegemonic and very little given to the competition that, in this case, embodies the sex toy”, reflects Sanz.

On different shelves he displays vibrators and erotic cosmetics and in a secluded corner we discover (don’t be scared) gadgets for clandestine practices. “It is important to arouse passions,” says the sexologist. Well, we continue. Here is a controversial opinion that gives rise to debates in which of course there is no consensus: according to the Norwegian researcher Trond Viggo Grøntvedt, in a study published in the “American Psychological Association” these practices may matter more, from the point of view sexual, that the well-being of the couple, the level of intimacy, love or commitment.

Where is the pleasure?

Likewise, 26.54% choose kisses and caresses. The harshest reality is provided by a team from the Kadave Institute of Medical Sciences in India: pleasure is absent in one in six intercourses. Looking for it, nine out of ten respondents in this research reveal that the best and most lasting sensations occur when they are the ones that are placed on top. While the missionary is confined, the position of the doggie begins to be the preferred one in the younger generations. Should we practice more warm-up exercises? Before answering, Elsa Viegas, co-founder of Bijoux Indiscrets, takes us out of the mistake of calling what we do before reaching penetration preliminary, assuming that they are a preliminary to what is important. “Fiction, culture and little sexual education have made us separate penetration as a first-rate practice from other games, misnamed foreplay, when they are equally satisfying”, he explains. His brand has created a line of erotic cosmetics based on “slow sex”, a concept that erases the social pressure of penetration and orgasm. «As in ”slow food”, it consists of experimenting and knowing without haste, how to enjoy a good dish”.

And for tastes, fantasies, although, at least in the surveys, lovers do not waste too much imagination. Scientists from the University of Quebec have carried out an anonymous survey among more than 1,500 people of different sexual orientation and, curiously, the majority share fantasies such as domination or threesomes. «They are very popular ideas because they are marked by culture and fiction. The contents of our fantasies are quite patterned, “acknowledges Lombardy. Dating app Jaumo, which has analyzed around 24 million Google sex searches over the past few months, throws up some interesting insights to find out more about cutting-edge trends. In her particular “sex trends 2019”, the most popular fetishes are threesomes. The most folkloric, the pampered horns.

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